I went for my 12 week appointment and got what I've been waiting for since the moment I knew I was pregnant...to hear the sound of my baby's beating heart! Nothing ever sounded so wonderful. It was beating a strong 154 beats per minute.
I took my mom with me to this appointment since Ricky had to begin his new job today so I recorded it for him to listen to when he gets home but it is me who is getting the most listens out of the recording. I can't stop listening to the most precious 13 second sound byte ever recorded! That little heart beat belongs to my child. The one my husband and I created together with God's help. The one who we will grow to know and love more every day. The one who will make us laugh and make us cry. The one who will love us and "hate" us one day. The one who will open presents on our living room floor at Christmas and build castles in our backyard out of dirt. This heart beat belongs to someone I have dreamed of since I was a little girl but could have never imagined how much I will love. I don't know if this child is a boy or a girl; a red-head or a blonde; a high maintenance or easy going baby; healty or has special needs--but I know that this little child is mine and all I want is this child of mine!
Tuesday, April 26, 2011
Monday, April 25, 2011
Boy or Girl?
No need to congratulate me on expecting a son or tell me how much easier boys are to raise than girls just yet. What you can congratulate me on is now being open to the idea of having a boy. From the moment we found out we were having a baby we thought it was a girl and it still might be. I blame my husband for my early, uninformed certainty. As I was on the phone in the early morning hours on the Sunday we found out I was pregnant, he peeked his head through the doorway of the kitchen and said, "by the way, it's a girl." Call me gullible, but as soon as he said that I automatically thought, "okay, sure...a girl it is!" We talked about girl names, I looked at girl clothes at the store and I developed an overall mental picture of "our daughter." It wasn't that I preferred a girl over a boy but I just had it in my head that I was carrying a girl. But when this fun little test told me we were having a boy, my mind completely opened up to the idea that this baby could be a little boy.
Now I am less certain of my gut feeling toward either gender. One day I imagine I'm having a boy and the next day I imagine I'm having a girl. We think about both types of names now and I look at both boy and girl clothes in the stores I visit. If you are thinking of taking this test to get some sort of conclusive proof of the gender of your baby, you are wasting your money, time and urine. I feel no certainty about my baby's gender. In less than five weeks we'll have our gender sneak peek ultrasound and know for sure whether to go pink or blue but until then I'll enjoy the teeter-totter ride that is not knowing!
What about you? So many parents find out the gender now, did any of you wait to find out? Or did you have a surprise--as in, the ultrasound said one thing but the baby was the opposite gender?
Wednesday, April 13, 2011
My Imaginary Baby
I will be 10 weeks tomorrow and I read that means my baby is the size of a prune. I read about all the developments he or she is making. That her heart is beating and legs are moving about. But that is all I can do...read about it. I'm always aware that I am in this condition called "pregnant," so I do all the things I should and don't do anything I shouldn't but for the most part I just don't "feel" like I'm growing a life. I don't look pregnant, just chubbier; I can't feel a baby move; I don't have a lot of pregnantish symptoms and at my first doctor appointment she didn't listen for a heartbeat or do an ultrasound. I asked her how I would know everything was okay (or real) if we were not going to do either of those things. She just kind of laughed and said, "because your pregnancy test is still positive and you're not bleeding." What! That's all I get?
What is so weird for me is that before I was pregnant I really thought I would feel "connected" to my baby immediately. Like there would be some instant emotional bond when the blue line showed up. But for me there isn't yet. I know--I sound like a terrible mother, (the guilt begins!). Don't get me wrong, I am excited. I think about the baby all the time. I can't wait to put the nursery together, see ultrasounds and of course, bring him or her home from the hospital. But the excitement is more like the thrill of imagining what you would do if you won the lottery; it is not real. When I think about the baby I still feel like I did when I imagined it before I was pregnant. It is as if the baby is still a hypothetical idea. A hypothetical idea that keeps me from eating sushi and drinking coffee, but hypothetical nonetheless. Sometimes when I dream, I dream about the baby. It is always a girl in my dreams and she seems so real then. And in my dreams I love her so much--I wish I felt that all day now. That will come, I guess.
I read in the books that this feeling is pretty normal so I'm not overly worried. I'm sure one day soon I will feel like my child is real. My second appointment is less than two weeks away. I am hoping we'll hear the heartbeat on this visit and that will help. Anyone else feel or ever felt this way?
What is so weird for me is that before I was pregnant I really thought I would feel "connected" to my baby immediately. Like there would be some instant emotional bond when the blue line showed up. But for me there isn't yet. I know--I sound like a terrible mother, (the guilt begins!). Don't get me wrong, I am excited. I think about the baby all the time. I can't wait to put the nursery together, see ultrasounds and of course, bring him or her home from the hospital. But the excitement is more like the thrill of imagining what you would do if you won the lottery; it is not real. When I think about the baby I still feel like I did when I imagined it before I was pregnant. It is as if the baby is still a hypothetical idea. A hypothetical idea that keeps me from eating sushi and drinking coffee, but hypothetical nonetheless. Sometimes when I dream, I dream about the baby. It is always a girl in my dreams and she seems so real then. And in my dreams I love her so much--I wish I felt that all day now. That will come, I guess.
I read in the books that this feeling is pretty normal so I'm not overly worried. I'm sure one day soon I will feel like my child is real. My second appointment is less than two weeks away. I am hoping we'll hear the heartbeat on this visit and that will help. Anyone else feel or ever felt this way?
Thursday, April 7, 2011
I'm Getting Fatter and I Don't Know How to Feel About It
You can't look at me and tell that I'm pregnant yet but I am undoubtedly fatter. I won't tell you that at my first OB appointment 2 weeks ago I had put on 10 pounds since my last doctor visit in December but if you want to make that assumption, that is your prerogative. At this point, they I should have only gained between 0 and 4 pounds. I was a little disappointed...just a little. "They" (whoever "they" are) also say that I don't need to eat anymore than I did before since I'm only in my first trimester. Well, "they" aren't around to hear my stomach growl every hour and a half! They also aren't here when I regularly wake up at 4 in the morning so hungry that one night I actually considered eating my husband (I wish I was kidding). I'm hungry all the time. As a matter of fact, I'm hungry right now.
Another problem is what I can eat. I used to eat veggies three or four times a day. Do I want them now? Nope. The thought of eating chicken or beef kind of grosses me out. I force myself to eat vegetables at least once a day and somedays are easier than others but if I can't stand meat and veggies anymore, what's left? That's right, carbs and dairy. But if I overload on dairy (oh how I love cheese), I get long visits from every pregnant lady's best friend, constipation. So carbs, the very crap I have limited and avoided for the most part over the past 5 years since losing a lot of weight, is the only thing I can reliably eat. Not only that but I crave it because its a DRUG! I will run someone over in the Olive Garden parking lot for some breadsticks and ravioli!
Some days the thought of putting on 20 or 30 pounds doesn't bother me and I say, "Oh well, its good for the baby as long as I eat as healthy as I possible and exercise. It will come off when I give birth and nurse!" Other days I am panic stricken with fear that I will spiral out of control and be 305 pounds again and cry to my poor husband because everything I own is tight and all I wear are yoga pants. Today is really an in-between day--half way sane.
What do you think? Does the baby weight really come off when you nurse, (given you eat right and exercise?)
Another problem is what I can eat. I used to eat veggies three or four times a day. Do I want them now? Nope. The thought of eating chicken or beef kind of grosses me out. I force myself to eat vegetables at least once a day and somedays are easier than others but if I can't stand meat and veggies anymore, what's left? That's right, carbs and dairy. But if I overload on dairy (oh how I love cheese), I get long visits from every pregnant lady's best friend, constipation. So carbs, the very crap I have limited and avoided for the most part over the past 5 years since losing a lot of weight, is the only thing I can reliably eat. Not only that but I crave it because its a DRUG! I will run someone over in the Olive Garden parking lot for some breadsticks and ravioli!
Some days the thought of putting on 20 or 30 pounds doesn't bother me and I say, "Oh well, its good for the baby as long as I eat as healthy as I possible and exercise. It will come off when I give birth and nurse!" Other days I am panic stricken with fear that I will spiral out of control and be 305 pounds again and cry to my poor husband because everything I own is tight and all I wear are yoga pants. Today is really an in-between day--half way sane.
What do you think? Does the baby weight really come off when you nurse, (given you eat right and exercise?)
Monday, April 4, 2011
How are you feeling: What to Share When You're Expecting
As soon as you become pregnant, everyone who knows always asks the same question upon seeing you or talking to you on the phone: "how are you feeling?" It is sweet of them to ask. It is hard to tell them the truth sometimes. People expect you to say you are sick to your stomach and a little more tired than usual. But when a sweet lady at church or your father-in-law asks you how you're feeling, they may not be ready to hear how you really feel. For instance, for me, at any given moment when a kind person asks me this question it is quite possible that I'm holding in a fart because of the horrendous gas that is caused by pregnancy. Then there is the constipation, swollen tender breasts, acne, frequent urination, congestion and runny nose (yes, those are really caused by pregnancy), and a whole other barrage of weird and uncomfortable symptoms. So, because I always think it prudent to be prepared for every situation here is a list of pregnancy symptoms people are comfortable hearing about, (your mom, sister and girlfriends are not "people," so they get the gory details):
1. Nausea- no one wants to see you do it, but everyone is pretty aware that it happens with pregnancy. And strangely enough, when you tell people about this you might even get an, "awww," like it's cute.
2. Fatigue- we're making people in our own body! If that doesn't wear you out nothing will. Tell people about this one just because it is like bragging.
3. Irritability/emotional- who doesn't like a good story about someone whizzing a Diet Coke can (caffeine free, of course) at their husband because he breathes too loud or crying because the vacuum cleaner broke?
4. Appetite/cravings- so you ate vegetable soup and dunked s'more pop tarts in it? That's your business but if someone asks how you're feeling and you want to fess up to this go for it. Currently, I spend about 56% of my day standing in front of the fridge or pantry looking for something to eat and "mixing cusines." Last night I had a handful of dry Froot Loops while waiting for my vegetable soup to heat up. That's normal, right?
5. "I feel pretty good"-if you don't have any of the above, just say that. Even if you have other symptoms not listed, just say, "I feel pretty good."
That's about it for things people want to know about and things you have time to explain. I have gained a lot of knowledge from What to Expect, but I don't think the average passerby wants to know why my runny nose and constipation is pregnancy related. I guess the rule of thumb when it comes to what to share with others when they ask how you're feeling is this: If it happens on a sitcom, you can share it; if the sitcoms avoid it, so should you. However; I think if someone catches me on a bad day my rule of thumb will be: If you didn't want to know, you shouldn't have asked!
1. Nausea- no one wants to see you do it, but everyone is pretty aware that it happens with pregnancy. And strangely enough, when you tell people about this you might even get an, "awww," like it's cute.
2. Fatigue- we're making people in our own body! If that doesn't wear you out nothing will. Tell people about this one just because it is like bragging.
3. Irritability/emotional- who doesn't like a good story about someone whizzing a Diet Coke can (caffeine free, of course) at their husband because he breathes too loud or crying because the vacuum cleaner broke?
4. Appetite/cravings- so you ate vegetable soup and dunked s'more pop tarts in it? That's your business but if someone asks how you're feeling and you want to fess up to this go for it. Currently, I spend about 56% of my day standing in front of the fridge or pantry looking for something to eat and "mixing cusines." Last night I had a handful of dry Froot Loops while waiting for my vegetable soup to heat up. That's normal, right?
5. "I feel pretty good"-if you don't have any of the above, just say that. Even if you have other symptoms not listed, just say, "I feel pretty good."
That's about it for things people want to know about and things you have time to explain. I have gained a lot of knowledge from What to Expect, but I don't think the average passerby wants to know why my runny nose and constipation is pregnancy related. I guess the rule of thumb when it comes to what to share with others when they ask how you're feeling is this: If it happens on a sitcom, you can share it; if the sitcoms avoid it, so should you. However; I think if someone catches me on a bad day my rule of thumb will be: If you didn't want to know, you shouldn't have asked!
I'm out of the pregnancy closet!
9 weeks pregnant
We did it! Not that...well, yes I guess that...but what I meant was we made a baby! There's really a life inside me. It might be somewhere between the size of a raspberry and a medium olive but it is in there and it is real. It has arms and legs; lips and a nose; a spine and now eyes, (that is the latest development or so I read). It is so hard to believe that something as complicated as creating a human life was so easy to do for us. As a matter of fact it is so hard to believe that I kept taking pregnancy tests every day for an entire week until I really, really believed it. I guess I kept expecting to wake up one morning and it would have all been a mistake or that it was going to be taken away from me, but so far this is really happening...we're really going to be a mom and dad!
We did it! Not that...well, yes I guess that...but what I meant was we made a baby! There's really a life inside me. It might be somewhere between the size of a raspberry and a medium olive but it is in there and it is real. It has arms and legs; lips and a nose; a spine and now eyes, (that is the latest development or so I read). It is so hard to believe that something as complicated as creating a human life was so easy to do for us. As a matter of fact it is so hard to believe that I kept taking pregnancy tests every day for an entire week until I really, really believed it. I guess I kept expecting to wake up one morning and it would have all been a mistake or that it was going to be taken away from me, but so far this is really happening...we're really going to be a mom and dad!
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